I see that most of you seem to enjoy reading about my man mishaps and dating episodes. I don't blame you...its fun to laugh and make fun of someones complete misfortune. Naturally I am ok with this...otherwise I wouldn't share.
So...on that note; I will share again.
First I have to mention...my first boyfriend ever (16 years ago), has read my blog. You can probably see his comment from yesterdays post. I will quote him anyway;
"This was fun to read as one of your first boyfriends ever.... time can change a lot of things"
I had a few different feelings about this comment when I first read it. Some good and some bad. The good ones were that I have, in fact, come a long way in life. I have travelled the world, am working on my third career while starting my own business, sailed across an ocean, raised an animal, maintained brilliant friendships...and the list goes on.
The bad feeling....have a horrible history with men. That is an understatement. I have made absolutely no progress in this department. I am not interested in rehashing my high school sweetheart relationships....cause they don't really count. Post high school....was very much in a similar situation that I am in now up until 2003 when I met my ex ex. Was with that character for 2.5 years. The last year being incredibly difficult and trying and let's just say...the worst year anyone could go through...relationship wise. From there I went into another relationship for 3.5 years with someone that I shouldn't have been with past 6 months, but because I am who I am which is the most persistent mo fo you'll ever find...I insisted on working this one out. Well...let's just say that it took me a year and a half to recover from that one...on all levels. He wasn't all bad. Taught me a lot of things; good things, important things....so it wasn't a total bust. Nonetheless, it ended and now I am where I am.
Two years later....back at Square 1. I think this is only a problem because I give a shit about tradition. I didn't grow up in a traditional setting...I think I am sort of nostalgic like that. I want to say I feel pressure from friends and family...but that would be a lie. I want to say that I am normal....and that I should be settling down now....but that would also be a lie. I think today is just one of those days where I am battling with myself.....OMB....being a Gemini sucks sometimes. On the one hand...I do feel like I want to meet the 'one' and get on with life....but on the other hand...I am totally selfish and just want to focus on my future and career, friends and family...no time to nurture a relationship. Both sides hold equal power, strength and demand. What am I to do?!!!!
And so, this is my dilemma. This is why I stay on POF. This is why I am going to continue being a chronic dater and....the hopes in the long run are....that someone....will be able to put a stop to this. Dreams....lol! What would I be without them!
