I am smiling and laughing as I am writing to you today. For those of you who know me well...you might be wondering how this can be! Why would I say a thing like that? Well....let me explain.....
I have noticed one thing in my life; when life deals you a shitty hand and then throws something so incredible at you...it is hard to manage your emotions. On the one hand...I am glowing with contentment, excitement, happiness and overall joy from my day yesterday. I can only describe yesterday as a day full of overwhelming emotion. You are bombarded with nerves, anxiety, hope, excitement, passion and so much more. You are taken to a new level of self awareness and you are challenged in every way. Having to sit tight for 6 hours for your audition....uggghhh....I feel like they do it on purpose. During those 6 hours you ponder, you challenge, you start to re-think your actions, you worry you are doing the right thing, you worry if you have the right song choice, you doubt yourself and your capabilities, you think to yourself "who do you think you are?". You are in the company of SO many amazingly talented people...you think...OMG....what am I doing here?!. I think that was the first 2 hours.
Then...we get inside the Skydome (a.k.a Rogers Centre) and you start getting wickedly nervous and just want to remind yourself of what brought you there. Thankfully for me...I was in the company of a woman who had way more experience doing this kind of thing than I did. She was like my mentor and she actually got me to sing with her and to practise my song. I almost had a heart attack...but had she not shaken that chip off my shoulder...I don't think I would have done as well as I did! Love this girl...and her mom!
From there I feel like you go into a bit of delirium. Yes...it is true! I think by hour 4 or 5 your are so exhausted but yet....you continue to battle all of those emotions that I mentioned previously. It is exhausting....no lie! Not to mention...wearing pumps and standing for that long...is excruciating. LOL!! Oh the pain...!! My feet still hurt! LOL Anyways...we are nearing the actual audition and I swear...I am starting to change my way of thinking. I went from overly concerned for my performance to feeling like....it will be what it will be! I am who I am and if it is meant to be it is meant to be. I was so so tired by the time my actual audition came along...that all I was left with was my true nature....and a body bordering convulsions...lmao!!! I watched 4 of the 6 contestants in my group perform and that was a treat. It is humbling and rewarding all at once. You realize this is meant to be fun and you feel the warmth and love come between you and the other contestants. You have spent so much time together that you have no choice but to build a friendship with them. BEST PART!!! Then it is my turn....I get up there and I honestly had to pretend that I was looking at my customers from the bar. They make me feel safe and I feel love with them. I needed that terribly. So...I did that...and I did what I do best....charm the pants of the producer, his assistant and the chiquita filming the whole thing. I had more fun with that part than actually singing. LOL!!
BRILLIANT DAY!!!
Now....why this was and is a battle is because I was enduring something just as intense but incredibly SAD!! Mr. Fabulous and I broke up! As I said to one of my bffs yesterday....he is still Mr. Fabulous....just not Mr. Right! I am not going to go into major discussion about this because I will for sure cry and I don't want to right now! I want to enjoy the high from yesterday. I don't want to lose this moment that I have been dreaming about for FOREVER. I hope that doesn't sound horrible. I simply don't and can't think about that right now. Further more; I SHOULD really be concentrating on my re-write exam that I have this Saturday....but even that is taking a back seat to my audition yesterday.
I got to my parent's place at 6.30ish last night and immediately ate dinner. I hadn't eaten a thing all day...and was beyond hungry. I ate...ate some more and then....I felt like I was hit with a mack truck. I had to go lay down on the couch. As soon as I lay my head down....I was out for the count for 2 hours. LOL!!! I haven't been that tired in a long time. Not even my 16 hour work days are that tiring. BUT....I loved it!!! Loved it to the core of my soul. I haven't felt this great since I completed my sailing adventure across the Atlantic 8 years ago. It is amazing! Makes me think....this is something I should be doing on a more regular basis.....singing that is! Ha....I guess we'll see in 4 weeks....what the world has in store for me! In the mean time....here I come real estate industry....watch out! LOL
Peace out folks! xo P
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