Battle of the minds.

Today is a great example of a day where my internal battle as a Gemini is EVER pronounced. Here's why;

I am single. I have been single for a very long time. Of course I did date that 'special' Mr. Fabulous for 6 months but relative to how long I have been single...that isn't very long at all. Now we all know that I work like a maniac and that my free time is very limited which means that my avenues for meeting men is also very limited.

I had brunch with my dear friend Ace today and we had a very sincere convo about my single-hood behaviors. I came to some realizations of why things are the way they are and that is; messed up...lol! I mean...who falls for a male stripper? Really! I do! I was fantasizing about this guy for a solid week; day dreaming about dating him. The key word in that sentence was 'fantasizing'. How ridiculous a notion it is to think that that was even remotely possible. Ha! Dream on....lol!

So here's the deal; I am on Plenty of Fish. I have been on one date. It wasn't horrible. It was brief and sort of delightful. The dude has reached out and asked me out again. I said 'sure'! Can you get a sense of my enthusiasm? Now...seeing as my energy contribution to POF is dismal, is why I am left with only one avenue and that my friends and family is 'the bar'...my bar. I can see you all cringing...don't worry...so am I!! You really need to realize one thing; I am not looking for my future husband or even my next boyfriend. What is left? Boy toys! LOL With that said, here's my rationale on that; it's like being a kid in a candy store. So many options...sort of....and you know you can have whatever you want...so you pick your favorite and eat it. Well...let's transition that to men instead of candy. At the bar which is packed with men primarily, I have a selection to choose from. I see something (someone) that catches my eye and I go ahead and take it. The great part is that I don't have to work hard for it. It sort of just falls in my lap...like not having to pay for your candy at the store....lol and it happens so randomly that it is a welcome treat when it actually happens. Last night I had one of those random treats. Yum yum yum...lmao!

The battle? I am thoroughly enjoying myself and yet...I have a guilty conscience. It's not like I am doing anything wrong or inappropriate and yet...I am struggling to rationalize my actions. The fact is; I don't have it in me to nurture a relationship which is why I am probably not finding anyone of actual substance. Clearly my message to the universe is that I can only handle these ever delightful trysts that happen occasionally. This is my own psychosis that clearly I need to not spend so much time dwelling over. It is what it is!

Right?

Happy Friday to all! xo P